Skipping Adolescence
Preparing Your Child to Begin Adulting in the Teen Years
Adolescence is a modern invention, a time where our kids' bodies have grown up but their social lives and responsibilities often haven’t. As parents, we have chosen to erase this stage from our children’s lives as much as possible. We have patterned our process after rites of passage used in other cultures and in earlier times where adulthood was thrust upon young men at a time of their father’s choosing, usually being given a knife and a slap on the backside as they were sent to live or die on some sort of quest, and womanhood being simply apparent at menstruation.
Now before you call child services on us, we did not send our son into the wilderness with a match and a tarp to find his manhood, nor did we tie adulthood to the reproductive maturation of any of our children. Instead we decided to do it more like the Jewish do bar or bat mitzvahs for their thirteen year olds (though we opted to make age twelve the magic number), and to have the process be very similar for each of our kids, regardless of gender. Doing so requires Extreme Intentionality and Extreme Creativity.
This book takes you through our plan, and equips you to create your own.
Kindle - 3.99 USD | 4.99 CAD
Print - 7.99 USD | 9.99 CAD
Skipping Adolescence
Workbook
Ready to get started? In addition to walking you through the implementation of Extreme Intentionality & Extreme Creativity in your own parenting adventure, the workbook companion to Skipping Adolescence includes original material not included in the book.
This book takes through our plan, and equips you to create your own.
Print - 5.99 USD | 6.99 CAD
The Crunchy
Dungeon Guide
Featuring material from the Crunch Dungeon series, as well as original material available no where else:
- Early Warning Signs
- My First Trip to the Naturopath
- The Horrors of Organic Apple Picking
- The Upside of Injury
- Secret New Stuff
Your complete guide to the Crunchy Dungeon!
Kindle - .99 USD | .99 CAD
A Husband's Survival Guide to the Crunchy Life
Third Edition
Is your wife trying to convince you to spend money on EXPENSIVE ORGANIC FOOD?
Is she BREASTFEEDING your 12 year old?
In PUBLIC?
A whimsical guide to surviving your wife's transition into the ‘Crunchy' (read: Modern Granola) lifestyle. Includes Basic Survival Tips, Advanced Strategies, as well as two theoretical Case Studies.
YOU: “I wish I had read this years ago...now it’s too late for me.”
ME: “It’s never too late!”
YOU: (wiping tears) “You really think so?...”
ME: “Wait! Are you wiping your tears with cloth diapers?”
YOU: “..............yes.”
ME: (sighs) “...yeah, it’s too late for you.”
YOU: (hangs head in shame)
#DON’TLETTHATBEYOU! Get the survival guide today!
Kindle - 3.99 USD | 4.99 CAD
Print - 7.99 USD | 9.99 CAD
Life with a Crunchy Wife
Volume 1
Eventually, everything will be made of cloth...
WIFE: “I was flipping our natural latex mattress today with the help of our 4th and 7th children and do you know what I found?”
YOU: “It’s not what you think, those aren’t mine!”
WIFE: “We talked about this, Charmin isn’t something we use in this house.”
YOU: (head down in shame) “Just don’t tell anyone about this OK? I have a problem…”
WIFE: “Well I already posted a photo on Facebook but they let you take those down.”
YOU: (mumbled) “No they don’t…”
WIFE: “What?”
YOU: “Terms of service agreement...”
WIFE: “What?”
YOU: “I love you.”
Kindle - 3.99 USD | 4.99 CAD
Print - 7.99 USD | 9.99 CAD
Life with a Crunchy Wife
Volume 2
Revenge of the Scoby...
Refusing to drink of its byproducts, I had totally forgotten about the Scoby until one day my wife asked for my help in ‘feeding’ it. Apparently it had become too heavy for her to lift on her own. (If that line doesn’t give you pause, you’re not paying attention.)
“How heavy can that little film thing be?” I asked myself.
Horror.
Kindle - 3.99 USD | 4.99 CAD
Print - 7.99 USD | 9.99 CAD
Life with a Crunchy Wife
Volume 3
The Upside to Injury...
WIFE: “I need to take a core tissue sample out of your right thigh."
ME: “Yikes...is that necessary?"
WIFE: “Well, we need to find out what's going on with your blood pressure and the most accurate way is to send monthly core samples to this guy in Mexico."
ME: "Mexico?..."
Kindle - 2.99 USD 3.99 CAD
Print - 7.99 USD | 9.99 CAD
The Assorted
Adventures of Jome
Curious about the Adventures of Jome but unsure if you're going to like it? The Assorted Adventures of Jome is just for you. Sample chapters from ALL FOUR of the Jome books, plus a UNIQUE chapter available nowhere else:
- Jome Eats a Hamburger
- Jome Catches on Fire (Again)
- Jome Gets A Monkey
- The Case of the Flashcards
- Jome Loses His Special Coat
Out now!
Kindle - .99 USD | .99 CAD
The First
Adventures of Jome
“Uh…Sir, you need to pay for your bus fair.”
“I did, plus a TIP” said Jome, pointing at the bullets littering the cashbox.
“Uh…are those bullets, Sir?”
“Hollow points,” said Jome proudly.
“Yes, well…at this stage, the City does not accept, uh, ‘hollow points’ as payment.”
“Oh,” said Jome, frowning…and he stepped forward again towards the cashbox, un-shouldering his bag, “So sorry about that.” He dug through his backpack.
“Uh…I have .38 regulars, .44 leaded…(more digging)…tracers…any of those work?”
The bus driver just stared at Jome.
“Can I pay with tracers?“ Jome repeated.
“Are those a kind of bullet?” the bus driver asked.
“Yes.” said Jome, holding up a long and deadly looking slug to glint in the sunlight pouring through the bus’ broad windshield.
“Then no…” said the bus driver, “you’ll have to get off the bus now. I’m sorry.”
Jome frowned at the “already paid” bullets now trapped in the cashbox. He slammed the tracer bullet onto the dash of the bus, startling the bus driver terribly.
“Thank you for your service,“ Jome hissed through gritted teeth, and then stormed off the bus...
Kindle - 3.99 USD | 4.99 CAD
Print - 7.99 USD | 9.99 CAD
The Original
Adventures of Jome
Jome went outside to feed his fish. He kept his fish outside because he didn’t have room for it in his box home. This was due to his perception of his fish being very, very large. So large, so desirable in Jome’s eyes, that he paid a guard to watch it.
This guard’s name was Thompson.
Thompson had given his name to Jome repeatedly but for reasons he didn’t understand, Jome always ended up addressing him using some variation of “Bobby.”
“Top of the morning to you, Bobber!” called out Jome as he struggled to move an oversized barrel of fish food from behind a dumpster a short distance away.
Thompson, being a professional, had given up trying to correct Jome. He stood his post, not daring to move to help Jome, who often pretended to need help in order to test Mr. Thompson’s “resolve.”
Jome eventually worked the barrel into place next to the fishbowl and gave a nod of approval to Thompson for having enough “resolve” not to help him. He gave a nod of approval to himself that he had enough “resolve” to consistently test the resolve of Mr Thompson. Then out of sheer momentum, he accidentally nodded his approval to a couple of homeless men nearby, men who did not have the “resolve” he approved of. He frowned.
He would have to reclaim those nods of approval later...
Kindle - 3.99 USD | 4.99 CAD
Print - 7.99 USD | 9.99 CAD
The Next
Adventures of Jome
Finally the day arrived and the three of them drove into town together in Jome’s big, blue sedan. They took Hal to a place that only served breakfast. They sat themselves and a young waitress appeared to take their order.
“I’ll have the Monster-Truck Platter,” said Jome with conviction.
The waitress smiled and wrote that down. Turning to Jolly, she lost her smile and turned a bit pale. The small, diapered figure in the high chair was not a hairy child as she had assumed, but a small, angry looking monkey.
Jolly clutched a children’s menu with both foot paws and signed “kill everything” to the waitress. Not understanding, she looked to Jome for help.
“He wants you to ‘Kill Everything,’” Jome said as helpfully as he could. The waitress only looked frightened.
Hal rubbed his eyes and without looking up said “Just bring the monkey some cheesy bread or something.” He felt a child’s menu hit the side of his face, but chose not to look up.
“And for you, Sir,” asked the waitress, impatient to distance herself from the table.
“I’ll have the Mile’O Bacon with the Egg-Splosion on the side…”
Jome started to whistle but restrained himself. A number of snide remarks came to mind but he remembered that it was Hal’s birthday and said nothing.
Jolly however felt no restraint and was signing a flurry of unclear things about Hal’s digestive track. Mercifully, Hal was still looking at the floor...
Kindle - 3.99 USD | 4.99 CAD
Print - 7.99 USD | 9.99 CAD
The Mysterious
Adventures of Jome
Ralf squinted at Dan, and tried to figure out if what was happening was real or if he was imagining it. He reached out and touched Dan (who flinched only slightly) and decided this was probably real. He didn’t really want to go see a psychologist. A few years ago Jome had been court-ordered to go see a psychologist and had come home with these flashcards that he made Ralf and Harry look at and answer all of these questions:
“And what does this look like to you?” asked Jome to Ralf and Harry.
“A bird,” whispered Harry.
“Really? Really, Harry? A BIRD? That blotch looks like a BIRD to you?” said Ralf, disgusted, “where are its WINGS? Where is the WORM it’s pulling out of the ground with it’s bird-mouth!”
“Beak,” whispered Harry, looking down.
Ralf turned white with rage at this insubordination.
“Why don’t you tell us what this card looks like to you, Ralf?” asked Jome, hoping to redirect the conversation.
Ralf turned to glare at Jome, “Oh I’ll tell you what it looks like to me, it looks like a big, fat, Harry, making up ridiculous life-choices, about birds, and cards, and LIFE!” he shouted.
Jome frowned at this and turned the card to look at it himself. On it he saw only what he ever saw on the cards:
Cows...
Kindle - 3.99 USD | 4.99 CAD
Print - 7.99 USD | 9.99 CAD
Scary Fast
The 400% Principle
How to Crush it at Everything Equally
This book is both an introduction to the Scary Fast book series, AND a standalone work on one very important idea: The 400% Principle.
Thinking about reading one of the Scary Fast books but not sure which one is for you? This book will sort you out.
Already read the other Scary Fast books? This one is worth the 99 cents just to get the original content. Also some of you are “completion” people and need the full set.
You know who you are.
Kindle - .99 USD | .99 CAD
Scary Fast
7 Advanced Hacks to Boost Your Productivity 1,000x
Scary Fast is like a 201 course in Productivity. It assumes that you've already taken a (metaphorical) Productivity 101 class (and passed?) and now you're ready to take things to the next level.
It covers the more 'advanced' stuff.
Kindle - 3.99 USD | 4.99 CAD
Print - 7.99 USD | 9.99 CAD
Scary Fast
Launch Assist
9 Weeks of Practical Guidance to Help You Go Faster
Want to Go Faster but Need Help Getting Started?
The newest instalment to the
Scary Fast Series is now
available!
Kindle - 2.99 USD | 3.99 CAD
Print - 7.99 USD | 9.99 CAD
Europe is Mostly Empty
(And Other Observations)
Despite the lack of humans in Europe, there are, however, an awful lot of:
2. SHEEP.
Sheep, sheep, sheep. Everywhere. Eating everything green in sight, pooping little dots all over the place, churning out sweaters.
If you go down far enough (e.g, Crete) all of the sheep are swapped out for goats, and sometimes they rip all of the skin off of the goats and trade them with each other in the back of their pickup trucks next to your car where you’ve left your kids so that you can go into a small store to find cat food to feed the feral cats you’ve adopted at your Airbnb.
KEY LIFE SKILL – Don’t let your kids see animals without their skin.
--
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One Thousand Churches
A Movement to Saturate Quebec with the Gospel of Jesus
Quebec’s unique religious and cultural history provide both daunting challenges and exciting opportunities for the spread of the gospel. Building on the legacy of the twentieth century missionaries who first brought the gospel into Quebec, our twenty-first century movement seeks to continue this work by seeing Quebec completely saturated and transformed by the good news of Jesus' finished work through community evangelism, leadership development, missional church planting, and church revitalization.
Kindle - 3.99 USD | 4.99 CAD
Print - 7.99 USD | 9.99 CAD
Voices in the Void
Kindle - 1.99 USD | 2.99 CAD
Print - 5.99 USD | 6.99 CAD
Voices in the Void II
Like the original, Voices the Void II is a collection of short stories, each a dramatized thought experiment working to explore our relationship with technology and the future. This time a “baker’s dozen”, and incorporating some new themes such as cryptonomics and GPT-styled A.I.
Miami Chain, Prime Life, Roadkill, and Ghost Story were previously published in a standalone collection titled “Ghost Story & Other Crypto Tales”.
“Amazombie” was originally published as a one-page website at (no longer active) and later as a standalone Kindle book.
All the other stories in this collection are original and never before published. I hope that you enjoy re-reading them as much as I do.
*If you have dramatic friends, it is a lot of fun to do a group reading, with assigned parts, over Zoom or Discord or even IRL.
YOU: “Oh yes, that does sound fun!”
ME: “It is, indeed.”
YOU: “Question.”
ME: “Yes?”
YOU: “Let’s say that my friends and I have a YouTube channel, can we use any of these as a script? For an SNL / BlackMirror style sketch?”
ME: “Well…not releasing movie or TV rights or anything here (Netflix: call me), but as long as you clearly display a writer credit & tag @brianmichaelstegner yes, you can post a sketch online.”
YOU: “Awesome. I’m going to go spray-paint a rocking chair silver!”
ME: “That’s the spirit.”
Kindle - 1.99 USD | 2.99 CAD
Print - 5.99 USD | 6.99 CAD
Launch Fatigue
How New Isn't Sustainable
An irreverent dissection of the effect of technological product acceleration on the consuming public and some thoughtful suggestions on what to do about it.
Kindle - .99 USD | .99 CAD
Dead Strawmen
How Personal OS Will End Misrepresentation
An exploration of how modern fact-checking will shape human interaction and truth perception as it moves inside us and merges with our senses.
Kindle - .99 USD | .99 CAD
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Brian Michael Stegner (1979-) was born in Albany, New York, grew up in Portland, Oregon, and attended college in Chicago and Saskatchewan. Primarily a storyteller, Brian specializes in 'Dry-fi', a mashup of literary fiction, nonfiction, science fiction, and dry humor. When not writing, he divides his time between family, church planting, entrepreneurial ventures, coaching, and reluctantly traveling the world.
He lives in Montreal, Quebec with his wife and kids.
(Author Photo by
Jess Bernier Photography)